WHY THIS BLOG?

I AM PARCA'S CHOSEN:
Parca is the Roman Goddess of Childbirth and Destiny and after you get to know me, you will see why I believe she has, without doubt, made me her Poster Child. I deal with the odd serious issue but for the most part, my posts are just some cheeky fun, reviews of favorite shows, and true stories that will make you laugh out loud (or run screaming...I don't know you well enough to predict your behavior). You'll find satire with the odd parody tossed in....and definitely a heaping helping of hyperbole.

I am Canadian so expect a bit of politeness too. Sorry.

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Friday, March 4, 2016

OUTLANDER: 8 THINGS YOU DIDN’T KNOW ABOUT THE EW (ENTERTAINMENT WEEKLY) COVER...sorta



1) Sam Hurt His Back During The Photo Shoot.


Photographers took pictures of Jamie and Claire in all but 4 of the 100 Kama Sutra positions before EW execs decided on 'The Lotus Blossom’, a favorite position of both George Clooney and Betty White. *seen in the detail below that EW won't show you
The last 4 positions were left untried as Sam pulled a muscle during the rather athletic 'The Bridge'...


The most subdued cover was chosen and now fans can show their children. Adult children. And husbands. Maybe.

2) Fans Get To See Sam’s Secret Tattoo At Long last!


The sepia-toned scar on Jamie’s left rib cage is actually a real life tattoo. Sam Heughan got a tat of his beloved childhood pet Cocker Spaniel “Gitti” (named after his first teenage crush, the classic beauty Brigitte Bardot) when he was drunk and waxing nostalgic on his 18th birthday. It was a spontaneous decision with no photo to help the tattoo artist who ‘did the best he could’. Diana Gabaldon wrote the Rorschach-Test-like tattoo into her story to accommodate Sam and save the Make-up Department at Starz a lot of cover-up and hassle.

3) The 'Hidden Frank Unexpected Orgasm Picture' Drove Most of the Magazine Sales.



Most Outlander marketing photographs are of Jamie and Claire, but it was inside picture of Frank (a.k.a. Fraaaaaaaaaank!) that, once discovered, ignited social media and helped skyrocket the EW sales through the roof.

Semi-nude photos of Tobias Menzies as Frank Randall wearing nothing but a fedora and an open copy of The Age of Innocence, that were deemed too hot to publish are being held under lock and key and will be sold at auction to help cover the expense of the over-budget costs of Caitriona Balfe’s push-up bras.


4) The First 2000 Editions Came With a Promotional Prize


If you were among the lucky first chunk of EW magazine buyers, you would have found a coupon for your very own McVibrator (Scottish size). The new plaid models will be out for sale by the summer.

5) The Original Photos Aren’t Any Kind of Nudes

  
Following the footsteps of fellow sci-fi/romance/blah blah blah…actress Emilia Clarke of Game of Thrones fame, Caitriona Balfe refused to bare her breasts anymore on film and EW respected her wishes. The natural skin tones were airbrushed in afterwards. Sam, in a show of support and solidarity, refused to been photographed naked as well and asked for undies too. Concessions were made to allow for the 'natural' state of the actors bodies from being 'au natural' so long in the wilds of Scotland...

  
...and Terry Dresbach, the multi-talented costume designer for Outlander, was commissioned to create matching sturdy and durable (and edible) underwear in the actors’ joint chosen flavour of Black Licorice.


6) Sam, Cait and Tobias Are Really Married…To Each Other.


The coincidence of Diana’s books actually mirroring the reality of the Marital Triangle that this picture hints at is nothing short of miraculous. Ron Moore could NOT believe his luck! Cait already had two wedding rings, so they just asked her to keep her own on and it would save them a huge expense! In an odd twist of fate however, the iron metal ring is from Tobias (it is made from recycled pop can tabs) and the gold one is from Sam (it was his old nipple ring), exactly the opposite from their show characters.

Mr and Mrs and Mr Heughenzies (pronounced Hew-en-zees, their modified legal name) live in a newly renovated castle in Scotland with their Cocker Spaniels ‘Gitti 2’ and 'Gitti 3'.

                                               *EXCLUSIVE! Their wedding picture*

7) There Are Many Famous Fans of Outlander Who Are Part of a Secret Outlander Cult Following.


This cult is surreptitiously called, The Rippers (short for ‘bodice rippers’) and meets thrice weekly to honor Outlander for its place of honor in the Romance Novel world, which Diana really REALLY likes a lot…although I could be wrong. Here are more samples of their meetings. *Please call 1-800-HARLEQUINLANDER to join.


8) There are three factions of Outlander Morals Fans that have drawn battle fields because of this cover.
      
Pictures speak louder than words…so let’s see if YOU can see which of the 3 groupings people are in by their reaction to the cover...
LOVED-IT
OFFENDED-BY-IT
WHATEVER




























*Please Note: this entire list may or may NOT be true. No promises...